23 November 2021

There are times in life when you are stressed, frustrated or angry with yourself, someone or a situation. You may end up annoyed, rude and sending out negative emotions. Learning how to control your negative reactions in stressful situations with kindness is key to staying calm.  When you do become angry, the first 30 seconds are controlled by your hormones released by the brain due to the situation.  Thereafter, it is entirely up to you as to how you react.  Therefore, controlling a situation by showing some kindness can pay dividends. 

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” —Ian Maclaren

Begin by Understanding Your Emotions

What is creating the stress and negative emotions? Are you overwhelmed at work? Is it a person that is triggering the emotion? Finding the root cause of your negativity will allow you to make changes to reduce the stress.

Change What You Can

Once you find the root cause, take action to change it. If it cannot be changed, can it be cut from your life? While making changes, cut out other stress triggers as much as possible. Change negative thought patterns into more positive ones.

Incorporate Healthy Outlets

Regular exercise can give you an emotional lift and an outlet for negative emotions. Meditation helps you relax. Volunteering and helping others will help you be less negative. 

Respond to Negativity with Kindness

1.    Don’t mirror others negative actions and thoughts. Treat them kindly. This could mean apologising if it’s appropriate. Acknowledge other’s points of view without judging.

2.    Speak in a pleasant, friendly voice as if you were talking to a friend. Keep your voice controlled and without anger. 

3.    Keep an open and relaxed body posture. Don’t roll your eyes, sigh or make other negative body language movements. 

4.    Breathe! Take a few long, slow, deep breaths in through your nose, pause slightly, then let your breath out. Deep breathing relaxes you and re-centers your emotions.

5.    Smile. It puts you and others at ease.

6.    Distract yourself by engaging in something pleasant or helping someone else.

Just because you are stressed doesn’t mean you need to react negatively to others. Instead, act in a way that is kind and considerate of the feelings of all involved. As Mother Teresa’s poem titled ‘Anyway’, states: “People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.”

How to be More Kind

“We cannot do great things on this earth, only small things with great love.”  - Mother Teresa

Kindness is such a simple act. It doesn’t take a lot of time, money or resources unless you want it to. The smallest acts of kindness often go the longest way to changing lives. You can cultivate more kindness in your life in many ways. 

1.    When you believe in someone, tell them and show them your support. This support may be just what they need to drive them to achieve things greater things. 

2.    Think about your words before you speak. If what you’re thinking isn’t kind, stop what you’re doing. Think about how to better phrase what you’re thinking or perhaps don’t say it at all. Remember to be kind in how you deal with the person.

3.    When you receive kindness spread it around. Continue to spread the kindness by paying it forward.

4.    Everyone faces challenges even if they don’t outwardly show it. Don’t discriminate on who you are kind to.

5.    Be an example. Be a role model to others by always being kind. 

6.    It doesn’t matter if it’s a close relationship or a stranger, it’s important to be mindful of how you treat others. Be considerate of everyone.

7.    Practice having good intentions. Try to have good intentions when you say something nice. Don’t expect something in return.

8.    Reach out when others don’t. 

9.    If showing kindness is hard for you, try to remember how you felt when someone was kind to you.

10.  Be kind every day. Holding the door for someone while giving them a genuine smile is an easy way to brighten someone’s day.   

11.  Create a kindness calendar. Add some type of kindness you can do to each day. For example, take a cup of coffee to your coworker, help your elderly neighbor with their groceries, thank the mail carrier with a card, give your umbrella to a mum and her kids waiting for the bus in the rain, share your lunch with a homeless person or any other act of kindness.

Show Kindness in Several Ways

There are many ways you can be kind. If you are stumped for ideas, here are a few to get you started.

·         Let someone in front of you at the grocery store because they have fewer items.

·         Smile at someone who really needs it. Maybe you see a struggling mum trying to shop with her three kids. Give her an encouraging smile.

·         Talk with a friend who is having problems. Lending an ear may be all they need. 

·         Buy food for a homeless person the next time you go for fast food or a restaurant.

·         Compliment a stranger.

·         Help a coworker on a project even if you have a full schedule.

·         Let someone in your lane in a traffic jam.

·         Donate old clothes to someone in need.

·         Call your grandparents or parents instead of waiting for them to call.

·         Say please, thank you and you’re welcome.

·         Compliment someone on their hair, their outfit or something else.

·         Offer your seat on the bus or train.

·         Bake something for a neighbor, older relative or nursing home and visit with them.

·         Text someone good morning or good night.

·         Plan to meet with an old friend you haven’t seen in a while.

·         Wash someone’s car for free.

·         Have a sick neighbour? Mow their lawns or shovel their snow on a Winters day. Take out their trash. See if they need you to pick anything up for them – medication, groceries, etc.

·         Stop and help someone who has broke down on the road. Or see if they have help coming to get their vehicle fixed.

·         Plan a surprise party for a friend’s birthday.

·         Wish someone a good day.

·         Leave a nice note on someone’s car or in their mailbox.

·         Tell someone how much you appreciate them.

·         Smile at everyone.

·         Help a stranger in some way.

·         Actively listen when someone is talking to you.

·         Give an unexpected gift to someone.

·         Thank someone for something specific they’ve done for you

·         Make a donation to charity.

·         Volunteer your time.

·         Share a memory with a child or friend.

When carrying out your act of kindness, be sure to not intrude or embarrass the receiver. Discretion is key. Give your smile or gift then move on unless the receiver wants to talk. Some acts of kindness can be carried out anonymously as well.

Above all else, carry out your acts of kindness because you genuinely want to make yourself and others feel good. Not because you expect something in return.