03 October 2023

Are you stuck in the ‘we’re just friends’ zone’?

Or worse, are you stuck in a position where there is a person you have feelings for who doesn't even know who you are yet?

Transitioning from one type of relationship to another – or from no type of relationship – can often be a very daunting prospect and also difficult. How do you make yourself known to someone who doesn't know you? And how do you get them to think of you romantically when they haven't met you or noticed you before?

Can you just walk up to a stranger and ask them out? Sure, you can – it’s called ‘blind dating.’ But blind dating is not necessarily the best way to set the odds up in your favour. It could also potentially be very awkward if that person is someone that you work with or that you otherwise see regularly.

One better strategy is to use something called 'kaizen'. Kaizen is a Japanese term that means ‘continually improving your situation gradually rather than trying to suddenly make one large change.’ It is an extremely useful and potent concept which has helped the Japanese create a very orderly and motivated society. They’ve even transformed their entire country using Kaizen and Japan is one of the most modern and effective countries in the world.

So, how do we apply the concept of ‘Kaizen’ to our relationships with people? 

In the case of building a relationship with a person, this might mean that you slowly increase the amount of time you spend with them, slowly increase your closeness, and then eventually get that point where you 'cross that line' into a full-blown relationship.

This is a great way to avoid an out and out rejection right at the start, it is very romantic and sexy when done correctly and it can also help you to avoid and overcome nerves. So how does it work?

The Steps to Take When Using Kaizen to Build a Romantic Relationship

If you don't know someone at all, then the first 'small step' you can take to building a relationship is to get to know them. This might mean that you simply ask for an introduction, so if there is someone that you both know then you should ask for that person to give you both an introduction to each other. Alternatively, it might just mean that you try to collaborate with the person you are interested in, or that you otherwise orchestrate an opportunity to speak to them on a regular basis to build connection.

From there you can try seeing them in a social setting – maybe with a group of friends. Once you've done this several times it's then socially acceptable to ask for a phone number and you can open a one-to-one communication with that person. Meet up with them on their own a few times and then get them to come around to watch a film. If you do this regularly and you end up staying around, it's only a matter of time until you can cross the line into romance.

At any point if they're not interested, they can say no, and the situation will be avoided with no awkwardness. But at the same time, it is a terrific way to get them to know you and to build a relationship that will organically develop into something more than friends.

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