01 February 2022

The fear of loneliness affects all of us at some point at one time in our life. It is only natural for human beings to want to feel close and connected with others. 

Being connected and having a support network such as friends, family or a support line is one of the most important prerequisites for a healthy and happy existence. Unfortunately, there are times when we find ourselves alone due to factors that are often out of our control. 

The thought of being alone for extended periods of time can be terrifying or elicit feelings of anxiety and sadness. 

Why is the idea of being alone so scary? 

 The Primal Switch 

What is it about being alone that flips a primal switch in us as human beings, causing us so much emotional discomfort? 

·         The answer lies within the fields of Evolutionary Psychology and Human Development. There are adaptive advantages to fearing being alone. 

·         During ancient times, people that traveled alone would have been more vulnerable to attacks from predators and other neighbouring tribes. Being alone also could have meant that one would have to fend for themselves, which would decrease one's chances of survival in the natural wild.

·         We also know that people need contact and touch at an early age. A famous study that was performed on a group of monkeys found that when young monkeys were raised without physical touch and warmth from their mother, they would show signs of mental illness and distress later in life. 

·         This is not to say that humans are the same as monkeys. But, at a considerably basic and primal level, many animals (humans included) have an emotional need for contact with others. 

 Overcoming the Fear of Loneliness 

Since we already know how powerful the effects of not having contact with others can be from an early age and from an evolutionary standpoint, it should come as little surprise that the feelings of fear that we experience when alone can seem overwhelming. 

·         The first step to overcoming the fear of loneliness is to realize that the feelings you may experience can be intense and that this is completely okay.

·         Whereas most people try to fight the feelings of panic or discomfort at being alone, you are going to do something that most people never do and is also why they rarely overcome this fear. 

·         The secret is to let these feelings wash over you completely without fighting them. Let the feelings permeate through you and within minutes you will feel completely different about being alone than how you did prior to doing this. 

·         While it may take longer than a few minutes for the feeling to dissipate entirely, you will already start to begin feeling relief as soon as you stop fighting these feelings and accept them. They are natural responses to our need for contact going unmet for a brief period of time. 

The fear of being alone affects all of us, no matter how brave we are in other situations. 

If you can let yourself feel the emotions fully when you begin to get scared, you will free yourself and give yourself a lifelong tool to work through any other unfamiliar or uncomfortable feelings you may experience in the future. 

Do not let fear of loneliness rule your life.  Fear is simply an internal mechanism that naturally exists to make us as humans be aware of all that is around us should we be put in danger.  If you find that fear is overtaking your life and the sense of loneliness is creeping in, then take a moment and reach out to someone that you can comfortably chat to about your situation.  It can be the simplest thing to do yet have a profound effect on your life and your overall mental health as well.