12 August 2025

When you undermine your own success, you engage in actions or inactions that hinder your progress and prevent you from achieving your goals. This self-sabotage can negatively impact various aspects of your life, including your career and relationships.

Some individuals may unintentionally derail their good intentions and thwart their long-term objectives. Taking such destructive steps can have far-reaching consequences, making it difficult to move forward in life.

This article will explore the concept of self-sabotage and provide strategies to help you stop undermining your own success.

Why do people develop self-sabotaging behaviors?

There are several reasons why individuals might impede their own progress. These causes can stem from past relationships, childhood experiences, coping difficulties, and low self-esteem. While self-sabotage may serve as a temporary coping mechanism for dealing with past traumas and stressful situations, it often exacerbates these problems and limits one's ability to overcome them.

How can you stop yourself from sabotaging your own success?

You can overcome your self-sabotaging problems and replace them with self-confidence, with practice. Here are some tips to stop yourself from sabotaging your own success:

Recognise the Behaviours You Use to Sabotage Yourself

If you want to stop self-sabotaging, you must recognise the behaviours that sabotage you. Think about goals you may have had for years but have not yet accomplished. Are there areas where you put off making decisions? Do you suffer from a lack of motivation, in minor things as well as important things?

Some examples are:

• Procrastination: Delaying important tasks or decisions.

• Negative Self-Talk: Telling yourself that you can't achieve your goals.

• Avoidance: Steering clear of situations that could lead to success or failure.

• Perfectionism: Setting unrealistically high standards and then feeling paralyzed by the fear of not meeting them.

Understand Emotions that Lead to Self-Sabotaging Behaviours

Behaviours that cause you to sabotage your own success often stem from feelings of anger, anxiety, or worthlessness. Try to manage those emotions, so you won’t commit yourself to any behaviours that will have negative consequences. Check for warning signs of anxiety or anger before they can get out of control.

These warning signs may include:

• Increased heart rate: Feeling your heart pounding or racing.

• Sweating: Experiencing excessive sweating, even in cool environments.

• Irritability: Becoming easily annoyed or frustrated.

• Restlessness: Having difficulty sitting still or feeling on edge.

• Muscle tension: Feeling tightness or stiffness in your muscles.

Change Unhelpful Thoughts, Emotions, and Behaviours

As you discover negative thoughts and emotions that trigger your self-sabotage behaviour, challenge them. If you change one of those aspects, you can change the others more easily.

A simple example of challenging a thought or behaviour and preventing self-sabotage is as follows:

• Negative Emotion: "I'm not good enough."

• Challenge and Change: Remind yourself of past successes and tell yourself, "I have achieved great things before, and I can do it again."

By challenging and changing this negative thought, you can prevent self-sabotage and boost your confidence.

Develop Behaviours that Support You and Your Goals

After you identify and begin defeating the false thoughts and emotions that lead to self-sabotaging behavior, you can then begin rebuilding your confidence and self-esteem.

Some examples of this situation are:

• False Thought: "I'm not good enough."

  • Solution: Remind yourself of past successes and tell yourself, "I have achieved great things before, and I can do it again."

• False Emotion: Feeling overwhelmed.

  • Solution: Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps and celebrate each small achievement to build momentum.

• False Thought: "Others are better than me."

  • Solution: Recognise your unique strengths and talents and focus on your personal growth rather than comparing yourself to others.

Challenge All of Your Excuses

Pay attention to all the excuses you’ve developed when you don’t reach a goal, or when you fail in some way. Usually, the excuses are made to cope with your pain of failing.

Do Not Feed Your Fears Anymore

Fears will not go away all by themselves, simply by your pretending they’re not there, or by pushing them to the side. If you don’t attend to fears, they grow stronger. Challenge your fears and see if they’re real and take actions to reduce fears wherever you can.

To give you an example, here are the steps to handle the fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare: Know your material well.

2. Practice: Rehearse multiple times.

3. Visualize: Imagine success.

4. Breathe: Use deep breathing exercises.

5. Positive Self-Talk: Replace negative thoughts.

6. Start Small: Begin with smaller groups.

7. Focus on Message: Concentrate on what you want to convey.

Learn From Each of Your Mistakes

You’re probably the only one who sees yourself as a failure, but many people see themselves in the same way. Everyone will make mistakes – at home and in their professional life. Learn from those mistakes, rather than dwelling on them or burying them.

Understand Your Limits

Don’t take on too many things at once that you don’t have the capacity, control, or capabilities to handle. You can go after more than one objective, but don’t take on more than you can accomplish. Know what your limits are and stay within them.

Final Thoughts

Self-sabotage can make life unnecessarily difficult, leading to anxiety and stress in your career and relationships. Embrace your abilities and potential for success, and don't let doubts or negative emotions prevent you from achieving your goals. By recognising and addressing self-sabotaging behaviours, you can create a more positive and fulfilling path forward. Remember, you have the power to shape your own destiny and achieve the success you desire.

The Burning Bowl Ceremony with Randy Gage

Use this ceremony to release old intentions and set new intentions. A simple yet effective ceremony anyone can do for themselves.