23 May 2023

Coping with anger is essential in life. Anger may develop throughout our lives and lead into our adult years. We may have been brought up in a happy home for the most part, but for some reason as we age, anger has made itself into our lives.  When this happens, it affects a person mentally and emotionally. This is where one needs to learn some new coping mechanisms when it comes to anger.

An example of anger infusing into a person’s life can be seen where a child is frequently punished in their early years of development. The child is rarely complimented for his or her good behaviour.  The parents or carers were probably not even aware of the harm they were causing the child as their own childhood was the same. This child grows up into an adult who can often be seen in moments of anger and even possibly rage. The emotions or outrage that are seen in these situations are often learnt during childhood.

Stop Beating Yourself Up 

Mistakes that are made are something that should be viewed as an opportunity to learn and grow from. Most mistakes have no lasting effect on one’s personal life. Therefore, if you do make mistakes often, instead of beating yourself up, review your mistakes and learn from them. Take note of what did or did not work and refine how you do something. Also, if you practice positive thinking and personal journalling daily, you will have far better control over your anger when it does arise. Putting thoughts on paper will help you to release how you feel and will improve your overall demeanor. One great way to look at anger is to see it as a positive force. Either we allow our anger to control us, or we control our anger. It is much like a tug-o-war on a rope. Either it (anger wins) or you win.

One great coping strategy is learning self-talk. Try taking 15 minutes out of each day to review your thoughts and talk them over with yourself. Again, this is where journalling does help by writing down how you feel that day. If you have a series of negative personal thoughts, such as ‘I am a failure’, then you want to ask yourself why you are a failure? Why do you see yourself in this way? Review all the good things you do each day and commend yourself. When you do see your own mistakes remember everyone makes mistakes. There are more than likely no permanent consequences to the mistake you made. Only a slight hiccup perhaps that can be corrected once the issue has been identified.

If you get angry easily or yell and scream, think of the consequences. Often yelling and screaming brings no resolve and you have wasted time and energy. In the end, if anger seems to take control of you on an ongoing basis, you may have to get some help as this can turn into a long-term medical condition.

Release the Negative Energy Inside Yourself Before Reacting 

By taking a few deep breaths before angering, you might find that your reaction is unwarranted. On the other hand, if there is justifiable cause for your anger, then you might want to slow down, step away from the situation for a minute or two and think. Find a way to release your emotions before replying or reacting to a situation. If you get angry regularly, then you may need a coping strategy to help you deal with what is going on inside of you emotionally. By taking this very small step of using a coping mechanism, you are taking a big step towards dealing with your anger levels more effectively.

It is good to remember that nothing is permanent in life. If you set yourself up for failure, then most likely you will fail. If you believe something will happen and later find that it did not, then you set yourself up for unwarranted stress. By taking a moment to think things through before angering can bring big wins in your day. Just think, if anger was no longer a major part of your life, where would you be? Anger doesn’t need to rule your life. Take back that control in your life and let the following days ahead of you be ones that you will remember with a sense of happiness instead.

Brendon Burchard Talks Anger

Click the play button below to hear Brendon talk about anger and how to deal with it.

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