26 April 2022

We’re taught to say “no” from a very young age. For a lot of us, our first word was “no”, and it quickly became our favourite word. As toddlers and teenagers, we used “no” to differentiate ourselves from our parents, peers, and surroundings. It’s how we began to control what was happening around us, or at least, how we tried to control that. It helped us out over those early developmental hurdles and gave us our earliest sense of our personal boundaries — and that’s a lot of significance bound up in such a tiny word such as “no”!

The problem isn’t that “no” in and of itself is somehow bad. Indeed, giving ourselves permission to say “no” as an adult can keep us out of an awful lot of trouble. I know that myself quite well. The problem is, is that “no” begins to take on a life of its own. Too often, that life is yours.

Life is all About Change

Life is all about constant change, and “no” becomes a way of slowing down that change or trying to stop it altogether. It is a shield we use to protect ourselves from having to experience anything new, or different, or may place oneself in an awkward situation. Rather than riding the wave of change into a life full of exhilarating possibilities, we use “no” as a tether to keep us safely confined and resist change and hence prevent ourselves from gaining new experiences.

Using “no” to protect ourselves from change is like a kitten poking its head under covers, assuming it’s completely hidden. Change is going to happen, whether we say “no” or “yes” to it. And, just like a baby kitten, assuming that “no” position under the covers protects us from change.  This is one sure way to have change pounce on you and bite your tail.

Grab Hold of Life’s Excitement

Being honest, we usually say “no” out of fear, and some fears are entirely reasonable. It’s sensible to say “no” to jumping off a bridge or “no” to cake if you are diabetic. The ongoing use of “no” aren’t the ones that keep us from living lives of incredible satisfaction and happiness. It’s those silly, neurotic fears like fearing rejection, or of looking stupid, or being wrong. It’s the fear of commitment, the fear of speaking out, and the fear of facing our truest, deepest desires. The list is extremely long, and we’ve all bought into some of these at least once in life. These fears have shaped our lives, often to our detriment and sometimes to the detriment of those around us.

So, the next time you’re faced with something new and exciting, and all those little neurotic fears start rioting inside you, what does it take to fight down a “no” and say “yes” instead? 
 

To give you some perspective of what saying “yes” versus “no” to things in life can do for you, the following paragraphs are of a short story from a man named Ference who speaks about his old friend Mike who taught him a thing or two about life before Mike passed away from cancer.

‘Life According to Mike’ – a story told by a man named Ference

About 15 years ago a good friend of mine died, he was 45 years old. He had cancer. Although we didn't meet often, I lived on one side of Australia and he on the other, but when we did there was no stopping us. We used to laugh a lot and talked for hours on end.

He had a loving family, his own business, he was a happy, successful man in every way. We all knew he was going to die, yet strangely, there was no sadness in his eyes and none of us felt uncomfortable about being around him or even talking about the inevitable. There was this strange peace, calm about him. No rush, no bitterness, do dramas. When I asked him how he felt about life and dying, this was what he said:

"When I was a child, we had two dogs in the yard, in those days you didn't think twice about tying them up, not like today. So, they were both tied up, heavy gauge stuff you know, just to be on the safe side. One of the dogs was just lying around all day. Nothing seemed to stir it. Had his drinks, feeds at the same time, day in, day out, lying or sleeping all day. If people walked past, he would just look at them from the corner of his eyes without much bother and then go back to what it was doing before, nothing.

The other one was a different story. It was full of energy or maybe even anger. Always rattling his chain, always fighting against being tied up; wanting to get free, one way or another. Barking at everyone at every opportunity, trying to draw attention.

I'll never forget those two dogs and the two different ways they chose to deal with their lot. One, having resigned to his fate and the other fighting in every possible way he could to change it even though it was, unfortunately, quite futile.

I see the same with people. One lot, who have said YES to life and the others who have said NO. I'd made the decision then that I will say YES to life, live it to the fullest, making the best of every opportunity. Live every day as if it was my last, making sure that I would not have regrets of not having done something or not making the best of my time on this planet of ours or leaving any unfinished business behind."
 

We kept on talking all night just as we did so many times before. That day was a turning point in my life. My friend became more to me on that day. He became my mentor and role-model. I've tried to follow his examples, making the best of what I'm given and living every day as it was my last.

Do YOU; think about it!

To a fulfilled life,

Ference
 

PS: In case you are wondering, his name was Mike, Mike Weldon.